Sh*tty Days...these too shall pass

Okay, yes, it IS a Monday. And I hate to complain, but it is unseasonably warm here in my un-airconditioned space in Santa Monica. And a pile of insurmountable "challenges" are demanding my attention-many of which have stayed unresolved for years. Oh, and I'm still single...And I need more money! And...!!! This is the loop that many Buddhists so correctly called the "Monkey Mind..." 

And it sucks. Phil Stutz and Barry Michaels, the brilliant shrinks and co-authors of both The Toolsand Coming Alive(and therapist to both GP and Drew Barrymore, among many other Hollywood notables) call this thing in us that always tries us to dance us back to our most toxic thoughts and negative emotions "Part X." 

Whatever the hell you call it, it's there in the seemingly healthiest of us, it seems. And it sucks, it's true. 

I can definitely link you to some mindfulness exercises, and tell you listen to Tara Brach's meditations, and give you a long reading list of great books to study. (The two listed below are sincerely excellent and inspiring, I can swear by them.) 

But what if you just need help, right now, in this moment? 

I am with you. I struggle with my own demons and self-defeating attitude and inner voice every day.  I am not going to tell you to breathe. Or find  a quiet space. No way. 

I'm just going to tell you this: This is ALL going to be a memory tomorrow. These feelings, these very specific, ugly ones, blah and unenjoyable ones, are all going to be gone. 

If it's cold out, make some soup, if it's warm out, go for a walk or grab an iced tea at a little cafe or coffee shop. If you're stuck at work, pick up the phone and make a plan with a pal. If you have to go home and cook dinner, start planning that sh*t now, right now. Even if you're broke, even if it's $1 Mac-n-cheese from a box! 

It's going to be pass. Maybe you're in a work crunch, and it's still going to be quite impossible, all the way around tomorrow. But it will pass. 

And remember this: You are having this shitty feeling because you have plans, things you want for yourself, your family and your life, and your relationships. Sure, you could let go of all cravings, but it's not practical advice. Just be happy that you care enough to have such a crap day, alright? I'm serious. Good for you! 

So, get out of work as soon as you can. I give you a free hall pass to remind yourself that you have better days, much better, and you will be okay. Hopefully, very soon....I highly recommend the books below, as well, especially when you are feeling down, stuck, and are not motivated by the thought of going to therapy. These are practical tools that even total skeptics can use to get unstuck and truly sort of enrich their lives...

Living Inside Your Space...Inside & Out

Is it crazy to think that the outside is often a reflection of what's going on within us ? 

We often worry that we have to set things perfectly in place before we embark upon some great creative, or work or even a small home project. I find this personally to be true, and then tend to sort of chastise myself about it, again and again. It's interesting, this reverse sort of perfectionism, because it can keep one from finishing, or even beginning something very important to us. 

I have some friends who are tidal waves of creativity and productivity, while their spaces, though not perfect, are cozy, shambling, perfectly welcoming homes.  I also have a friend who is like an ultra-modern version of Martha Stewart, and her own path reflects this too, in its way. 

This week, I'm going to work on aligning the inner with the outer: If I want to work on my book, and feel compelled to do so, I may let the dinner dishes just sit there. I may just decide to relax when thinking that my patio suddenly needs some sort of inexpensive revamp, the plants have not been watered this week, and the laundry is piling way up...Relax, then pull out the laptop.

Ha! What a load of crap. Truth is, if you're on this site, you probably need to find a way to clear and still your mind before you set out to do any real work. 

So, my real advice this week is: Give yourself a break. And grab a basket!

That's right. Get one that you really like, too, if that helps. 

Allow yourself to relax into where you are in your head, when you have free time away from work and/or family at home, and sit with that stirring-up feeling you have to tidy and clean up just some peace. If you have legit family duties, give yourself 45 minutes to an hour to do them-straighten up, clean, throw in some laundry...Set a timer. 

If not, grab a basket, throw some stuff in there. Do a full sweep, go on, just do it! Bills, mail on counter, shoes in entryway, Sunday's NY Times, some stray workout clothes, socks-whatever it is. Then sock that baby in your bedroom or hall closet for a few hours. 

Feel the bliss, I dare you! You're allowed...

Then, sit down, have a cup of tea or glass of wine, pull up to your notebook or your computer, and see what happens...

Tuesday Tip...Prepare for the Fall in Your Heart

Fall is in the air! And it feels great here in Los Angeles! Here are a few things I like to prepare around my apartment. Switch out tablecloths. Clean out the pantry. Maybe hit the bedroom closet, and start switching around from summer-to-fall clothing. But fall is also a great, general time for renewal, I think. A second-chance New Year’s sort of feeling. And with your home comes the people you have in it. Who is gonna stop by for drinks? Is your bar stocked-up?  Cheese at the ready? Then kids in school, new projects, Thanksgiving, work pressures building, holiday shopping...Ughh...Just. Take a breath, please.

I want you to really think about what you want out of this coming season: More gatherings of friends? More time alone? A way to save funds to have the holiday you really desire? It can be anything, anything at all. Tune into that second-grade feeling of being back at school-when the air is crisp and Halloween is coming! What can you get excited about? What can you create very simply that will convey this feeling? Are there some traditions you want to start? Are there some you could, truly, chuck the hell out the window if they're not working? (Goodbye, Thanksgiving Dinner for nineteen!) 

Think about it. Pick one little thing. If it makes you feel better, spruce up that bar cart with a new cheese tray (below), and maybe have your fresh food & veggies delivered sometimes instead of spending time shopping so you can hang out more with your kids (Hello, Farm Fresh To You!)

Just make a little pact with yourself, and get back to that feeling that anything is possible when the air gets just a tiny bit crisper and cooler. You deserve it! xo

Welcome to House & Mind!

This is my first post on this site, and I am so excited to share my thoughts and we can start changing our lives by starting with BOTH our inner and outer "houses." Whether you live in a Bel-Air Mansion, an East Village studio, a cabin in the woods of South Carolina, or a condo in Lincoln, Nebraska-we all have blocks in the way we create (or don't create) the space we live in. This goes way beyond the objects that bring joy or not-it boils down to your own way of creating the life you want to live (or a different one than the one you are leading right now!) 

These seem like huge issues for a home organizing and decor site-and they are. But they don't have to be! This week, I want to dive into what I call the "Ideal Sitch," the situation you have always imagined would work if ONLY you got this and that clean/straightened/organized in your home.  

What will you do once that garage is tackled? Or your monster coat closet? Or kitchen cabinets? 

Write that novel? Get a band-new job? Ask for a raise? Get a divorce? Find true love? It's amazing how we can put off what we feel will bring us the most fulfillment in life. 

It was also amazing to see how much I have personally procrastinated with my own creative goals vis-a-vis worrying about not simply cleaning up first, but little things, such as cleaning out a closet, that I turned into (rather unnecessary) major organizing jobs! And of course, there is incredible truth that  an uncluttered desk can mean an uncluttered mind. But it can also be paralyzing for some to have everything in pin-perfect order...

How to find balance?

House & Mind wants to help you to figure out YOUR style of keeping house.  Apart from what society thinks, what the collective ego demands, or what your mother tells you. And keeping your head clear, too. So often, our mess outside is due to what's going on internally. 

To that end, we will ONLY be using photos of our own apartments and homes, and those of our friends, the people in our life and willing clients we are working with to bring their personal and domestic dreams alive, as well as some great, fun vintage photos I personally find incredibly fun and inspiring. 

I'm so happy you are here...So...let's dive into this mess, together! 

Each week will be a combination of discussing internal and external "housekeeping" challenges, problems, tips and overall life and creative enhancement.  If this resonates with you, please join us on our little adventure!

So, what is Your Ideal Sitch? In life? At home and at work? Give it a thought. We will soon be talking with Mick Kubiak, writer and family and individual therapist, on how this image impacts everything house and mind...