This hits all of us...You can be having a great day, had a pretty great weekend, even, and then Monday comes, and you realize things are not as perfect and delightful as you would like to be in your life. Or maybe you Weekend-Warriored your way out of thinking about how very far from ideal your life really is right now...
Whatever your life situation is, we all almost universally suffer from always wanting things to be better.
But what if you suffer from, well, wanting things to be a CERTAIN WAY, all the time? Maybe it's not a type-A, Jackie Kennedy-kind of perfection, but you just wish your husband or wife or brother or mother or father or family would act a certain way, achieve certain things, or just give your more space.
In life, as it home, we often to create the spaces we want on our own. At home, we may read shelter mags, consult Apartment Therapy obsessively (like us!) or even be able to hire a decorator. You can do the same in life.
If you are making others suffer, and yourself, with your own expectations, for God's sake, try to go and talk to someone. Yes, we definitely espouse the full benefits of therapy here at House & Mind. If that is out of the question, for whatever reason, think about your home for a moment. Think of what you have created in your environment, whatever it may be, grand or small, to make yourself feel more at home. Then, take a small step and see how you can shift focus from the behavior of others, to that of yourself.
What can YOU change? What can you adjust to make yourself accountable, and become less reliant on that person to change-that person(s!) you are forever bitching about? And really, it could be time to ask yourself some very tough questions: Do you need to ditch that whining friend, once and for all? Could you and your spouse really benefit from couples therapy, perhaps? Tough, tough, tough, I get it. Especially if you are care-taking an elderly relative who is not fun to be around, or are completely overwhelmed with family and financial obligations. Taking responsibility really does suck when we have been living so fully in knowing something to be true. I get that. And you may be, and probably are, totally valid in your assessments.
No one can live up to the standards that only live in your own head.
No one. Even if those standards are totally valid.
There is a lot in our interactions with others which you can change. YOU can change them. The more you realize this fact, the closer you may also realize that you have been using these disappointments as, at bottom, an excuse to simply be sad. Maybe yes, maybe no.
But if that's the case, maybe it's the to make some changes. No shame in that at all.
And also remember how you have made your home reflect yourself, in whatever you have/are doing so. Dude, you can do this with your life.
This month, we will be diving into some specific tools regarding how to manage our own expectations, and dealing with those annoying others who just simply refuse to change, dammit! And I promise you, miracles happen. When you change behavior, often, these people stop messing you. It's a proven fact, I swear. Their power diminishes. Their hold over you begins to drop and fade...
(We are also going to be adding "Tuesday Tips" for more practical and fun home advice, so look out for those, too...:)
Have a good week!