Selfish or Self-Fulfilled? The struggle of being okay with yourself (Pt.1)

Having worked in the non-profit field for over two decades, I always found it interesting that certain people would comment that doing good for its own sake was somehow very narcissistic : If it made you feel too "good," it was as if you somehow weren't "helping," or you weren't somehow being truly authentic...

I never understood this; I always somehow felt intuitively guided- the better I felt- the better I was doing...It was as if a certain feeling was being checked off inside, a certain internal hum was being released. I made someone's day, week, or year...It felt so good. 

Why does feeling this way in our every day lives often times feel so...guilt-laden? Taking some proper time out, splurging on a semi-nice dinner, grabbing a little something extra, it can often feel (especially for those of us on a limited budget!) a little...off. 

Personally, it is easier for me to feel good if I am doing something nice for someone else. Or working pretty damn hard at something, feeling as if I am really GSD-ing, at a very fast and very healthy rate. 

Only then do I really allow myself to take the time to do something nice for myself. But..other times, if I am NOT feeling so plucky and productive or do-goody, I tend to be a bit more self-punishing. I don't quite allow myself that sweet feeling of a day well-spent, or a job well-done. I may later zone out and watch Netflix, but I sort of hate myself for doing so. 

Sheesh. What is that all about? 

Maybe you cannot relate, and, if that is the case, I really do commend you...!

But, if you are like most people, I bet you struggle with just allowing yourself to feel good, quite a bit. It just feels...wrong, somehow. I so know this feeling!

But, how to conquer it? 

I will be honest with you: I do not know. But we are going to be talking to some of our pros this month, to try to get to the bottom of it! 

Feedback welcome...xo

*Photo by David Goehring

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