House and Mind

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Do I Have to Be Mean to Get Ahead?

This is another core belief that lies at the core of many people struggle with-when trying to get their brand-new, spanking ideas out there, going for a new job or promotion, or making a dream a reality. They feel they will have to metamorphose into someone, or something, else. Something bad. Something diabolically ....not them. That they, dear hearts, will have to learn to swim with the sharks in life, or drown, drown...drown!

Well, guess what? You don't. 150 trillion percent, you do not.

But! 

What does getting ahead really mean... to you? Why are you imagining you will have to become someone monstrous, or back-biting? Who have you been dealing with, and what exact beliefs do you have that correlate to this image in your head? Probably, like most of us, gleaming them from way too much TV and movies that reaffirm these things! There are so many crushing stereotypes of "successful" people out there, in every, single field. (And I have never worked on Wall Street, so, stop right here if you are!) But seriously...

You have to remember something:  You have no choice but to be who you really are.

(I know. But bear with me here, please! ;) You will never, ever be able to step all over someone if you are already this worried about doing so, or turn into a version of yourself that you hate... So...don't worry about it! Take this belief off the table. Then look a little deeper: What else is there? Do you feel you will become unlovable? Too successful for anyone to really like? Why? Do you let this type of envy get in the way of certain friendships or life goals, without even realizing it, in your real life? Or maybe you're frightened that others will automatically feel the very same way very about you, if you succeed?

OR, are you perhaps concerned that the upcoming promotion will make you just like every other asshole manager you know? It won't. And that's a terrible reason not go for it. Maybe- you just do not really want to be a manager! And have more time off for your kids or to go running or socializing with friends. Okay. If you can weigh the future gains versus this version of your present, and still come out feeling good- than you are all set! You do NOT really want that promotion...

However! If you feel that the promotion will make you excel, give you a better lifestyle and amplify your desires, then just go for it! No matter that every other manager you have had has been truly awful. You will be the awesome one!

And know, in your heart, that the only "shark” in your heartis the one that is keeping you from getting what you want. Throw out the false belief system that is holding you back from a new experience, opportunity or job that may be presenting itself, if you are already "performing" and imagining the kind of person it's going to turn you into, in that little head of yours...

Relax! You are an ultra-good person, my dear. And some job, opportunity or experience can never, ever take that away from you. Swim with the sharks, even when you feel like a tiny minnow! Be the change you want to see has no more authentic use than in a situation like this.

But you don't have to really "be the change." 

You can just be little ole' you. 

Phew...Doesn't that feel good?